Me: There’s a yacht moored up on the Thames today.
Him: What kind of yacht?
Me: A millionaire’s yacht
Him: All yachts are millionaires’ yachts
Me: A party yacht, you know, with that party area at the back. For millionaires who like to party all the time.
Him: . . .
Me: Party all the time. Party all the tiiime.
Him: [buttering some bread]
Me: Do you want some red wine? I want to open a bottle.
Him: What, with my bread?
Me: IF IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR JESUS, IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
Me: [type type type type click] AAAARRRGGHHH!
Him: What’s making you angry now?
Me: Apple and its terrible user journey
Him: Did you just use the term ‘user journey’?
Me: I WORK IN WEB!
Him: …I know.
While laying face down and being rubbed by my osteopath
Osteo: Where do you live?
Osteo: Oh yeah, me too.
Me: Specifically Wandsworth Town.
Osteo: Me too. Just off Old York Road.
Me: I live just around the corner from Old York Road.
Osteo: Wow, how coincidental.
Osteo: But you’re moving to London Bridge, right?
Osteo: I was just around there the other day at the spa.
Me: Oh yeah, which one?
Osteo: The Circle Spa in Shad Thames.
Me: Yeah, I was just in there the other day.
Osteo: Really? Weird!
Me: Actually, no – I’m stalking you.
Osteo: . . .