Ikea: My Nemesis (part 2)

Just got back from Ikea.

How is it possible that it didn’t have THREE of the tables/bedside tables I was willing to settle on?  How?


I had to settle on settling on bedside tables that were double the cost I wanted to spend and not really what I was looking for.  But I wasn’t going to leave the Ikea in Croydon today without some motherfucking bedside tables.


Ikea: My Nemesis

We still don’t have any bedside tables.  We moved in on August 1st.  It’s September 24th.

After three emotionally fraught trips to Ikea at the beginning of August, I swore I would never return to that god-forsaken place again.  I tried buying crappy bedside tables from Argos (epic fail), anything to keep myself from having to return to Ikea.

But here we are, nearly two months after moving in, still without any bedside tables.

It is time.

Now that I really have nothing of any consequence filling my days, there is no reason for me not to make another trip to Ikea.  I shall go.  I shall buy cheap bedside tables.  I shall also buy cheap couch cushions.  The rats have been very bad and prone to chewing on the preexisting couch cushions.  I have devised a plan that involves taking the cushions off of the couch (storing them under the bed or something) and lining the couch back with cheap disposable cushions (after first draping the couch in a large throw/cover).  Given the fact that the couch was terribly uncomfortable to start with, the removal of the unnecessarily large and imposing back cushions and their replacement with smaller, more-welcoming and less-likely-to-be-chewed cushions is just a good idea anyway.

Yes.  Time to get. shit. done.

Ikea.  Alright let’s do this.  Leerooooooy Jeeeenkinnnnns!!!

Offline Excuses

So I’ve been offline for a while, not blogging.

But I have good reason for this.

First off, my grandmother died and I took a last-minute transatlantic voyage and week off.  I didn’t really want to take a week off, but this enforced ‘holiday’ was a product of the cheap airfare.  I felt woefully put out, in that I got NO dissertation work during this time because people wanted me to go here, there, this that and the other AND I had no virtually no internet the entire time I was there.

Second, as soon as I got back to London, I had a week to pack up my flat in Bloomsbury and move to Wandsworth.  I did this on Saturday and Sunday.

So, that’s that.  I haven’t been cooking at all, and nothing much has been going on in my life besides being constantly on the go/offline/moving.

The flat is wonderful, but we have no furniture and no internet.  I’m in a pub just across the road that charges £4.15 for a pear cider but has one of the most swish interiors I’ve seen in a pub as well as free wifi.

Yes, it was 11:30am when I got here.  Yes, I started drinking at 11:30.  Yes, I’m a little drunk right now.  Yes, I deserved this drinks after the loooooong weekend of moving, cleaning and unpacking.  No, I’m not going to have another.  I have to go to the grocery store and buy staple foods that I’d allowed my cabinet to run out of during the final weeks in Bloomsbury.

Also, hopefully Red will be keen on the idea of going back to Ikea (we went yesterday and had a massive fail. The items we wanted weren’t available to take home, so we decided we’d order them online and have them delivered.  Except I just found that the work table for the sitting room is not available online, nor are the wooden folding chairs for the small table we are getting, so we’re going to have to make another trip out to Croydon to pick these up.  Thank the good lord god for Red’s membership to Street Car.)

Also, our delivery date on our chest of drawers and table (and miscellaneous other things) is August 11th.  Nice.

And, in case you were wondering, that ‘nice’ was inflected with seething sarcasm.

Oh, and I also blew up my new Aerogarden.  I bought an American–>UK adaptor at Argos and asked Red if it was all right to use (listing the voltage information that means nothing to me in an email), and he said it was.  I sent him another email asking if he was sure, and he said yes.  I turned on the outlet and BAM!! The Aerogarden exploded and blew all the appliances in the kitchen.  Luckily, the other appliances were turned back on with a push of a button and a flip of a switch on the fuse box, but I’m afraid my new Aerogarden is RIP.  It hasn’t quite hit me yet, as I bought it on the last day I was in the US and was really excited to get it plugged in in the new flat and growing basil and oregano and marjoram and shit, but those dreams have been put on hiatus for the time being, what with the recent UK voltage Aerogarden death.

Maybe this Bulmer’s Pear morning intoxication is dulling the pain.