I’ve been posting a lot of conversations I have with my colleague Alan on this space. But that’s because my conversations with Alan at work tickle me and I just want to share them with the world. I swear I do other things in life other than talking to Alan.

Like eating. I eat a lot.

It’s 10 o’clock, and so far today I’ve consumed:

• Weetabix
• Greek yogurt
• a banana
• honey
• peanut butter
• cheese
• coffee
• more coffee

And I’m still hungry.

I’ve been watching this really terrible television show imported from America that airs every day when I get home from work (before Red gets home so that he can’t make me feel bad about my bad television-watching habits, which he’s wont to do) on that new television channel for sad, old women* called I used to be fat. These fat teenagers give up their summers – usually consisting of about 90 days – to train every day with a personal trainer and drop the flab in fantastically bad-for-you weightloss times.

What I don’t understand is how all these fat people are doing so much exercise whilst simultaneously eating dinners consisting of what I can only assume is air and water.

I mean, I cycle to work and do yoga 3 mornings a week, and I find myself wanting to eat my own arm on a daily basis.

When’s lunch?

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*called Really. Also airs shows like 16 and pregnant and Snog, Marry Avoid